The Impact Of Infertility On The Marriage

Right now in approximately one of every six homes, there is a couple who has been unsuccessfully trying to conceive a baby for a year or more – the standard definition for infertility.  Many times, these couples suffer alone in silence but even if they have told their friends and families about their infertility struggles, it is still a very lonely problem to suffer through.

Fertility problems typically come as a complete shock to most couples.  Both men and women take it for granted from the time they are young that someday they will get married and have children.  Many couples get married with the plan that in a number of years they will begin their families with no thought to the realization that for them infertility could be a very real problem.  Many times even if a couple is able to go on and eventually have children, the marriage is already damaged to the point that it cannot be salvaged.  It is important for couples going through infertility to realize that counseling can be a benefit for them throughout the entire process and not just at the beginning or the end.

Infertility is not simply a medical problem but it is also a psychological problem because the couples are dealing with shattered dreams and strong feelings of anger, guilt, and isolation.  In addition, infertility takes its toll on the marriage because as the individuals begin testing procedures it makes them feel like objects and sex becomes a chore during which they are judged by the outcome and not a way to show love to their spouse.  In fact, sexual intercourse can lose all of its intimacy because not only is it no longer an intimate act of love but it is a job that must be done according to the specifications of someone else – usually a physician.  The testing procedures themselves can cause the individuals to feel and act like someone else due to changed in hormone levels.

Infertility is all about disappointment, shame, pain and a loss of privacy.  It causes a breakdown in communication and many times a permanent loss of the joy of sex between the married couple.  Marriages that have to deal with infertility have a higher than 50% chance of ending in divorce and if they do not end in divorce they may never regain the intimacy and closeness they once had.

Couples need to know that at the time they begin to struggle with infertility and to seek treatment for their problems they also need to seek counseling from someone who specializes in infertility issues.  Counseling needs to be a part of the interventions and treatments that every couple goes through to treat their infertility.  Of the 80% of couples who seek treatment for infertility only 50% of them will go on to conceive a child and another 35% will turn to adoption as a solution to their problems.  Incidentally, contrary to popular belief, only 4% of couples who adopt actually go on to get pregnant on their own.