The Emotional Impact Of Infertility On Men
Few situations in life are truly as difficult or challenging to men than going through infertility with their partner. Many times the man is the overlooked partner when it comes to dealing with infertility no matter which partner it is with the fertility issues. Infertility can alter nearly every aspect of a man’s life but because it is the man these issues are the most ignored and untreated. Because infertility is such a private issue for men they feel isolated and overwhelmed.
The first stage of infertility is the acknowledgement stage. It is at this time that the couple comes to the realization that they are having difficulties conceiving a child and more than likely will need medical intervention to accomplish this goal. Typically, the woman is the first to recognize there is a problem and many times the man has to be convinced that as a couple they need help. Communication during this time is imperative because each couple will experience the same feelings of fear, guilt, and anxiety but on different timetables and at different levels. It is important for the man to be able to focus on issues that he can be a success at and that bring him peace and comfort. This is a good time for the man to focus on hobbies or activities that are positive.
The second stage is evaluation and diagnosis. The testing time is generally stressful, invasive, and expensive. The couple’s hopes of finding a quick fix to the problem are usually replaced with the realization that the testing is a slow process. During this time men typically will have feelings of loss of control because the doctors are in control of every aspect of their lives from their diet and what kind of underwear they have on to when and how often they can have sex. This can lead to feelings of anger at the doctors, their body, and even their partner. It is important at this stage for the man to be involved in the doctor appointments and evaluations even if they do not involve him directly. Mutual support is extremely important and can be the glue that helps to hold the relationship together.
The third stage is the treatment stage. Men treasure freedom and spontaneity and at this point have a tendency to feel like infertility have taken over their lives and taken away the things he treasures most. At this time, men are feeling anxiety over the growing financial burden of infertility and the feeling that sex is a scheduled job with too many rules. It is important for men to be able to have sex that is for enjoyment and not for baby making. As a couple they should schedule in some “just for fun” sex during non-fertile times.
The final stage is the resolution stage. During this time the couple realizes that not every aspect of life can be controlled and they realize the need to accept the things in life that cannot be changed. It is important for the couple to really focus on each other and engage in activities that they enjoy together. Men typically feel exhausted and the need to move on with life at this stage. It is good for the couple to meet with other couples who have gone through infertility and have resolved it in different ways. Many times the men are over looked in the infertility treatment process. It is important for the partners and professionals involved to realize the special needs of the man and to allow him to go through the emotions that he needs to go through in order to work through the process.
